This post features a review of The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal, and some of the best ideas. It is an incredibly inspiring and practical book, in which Kelly gives us her best strategies for gaining more willpower, based on tons of experiments she has conducted with her students.
The book has many exciting ideas that will surely give you more willpower if you use them, as well as the knowledge that you are not alone in the fight against temptation and procrastination.
What is willpower?
“’I will’ and ‘I will not’ power are two sides of self-control, but they alone do not constitute willpower. To say no when you have to say no, and yes when you have to say yes, you need a third power: the ability to remember what you really want. To exercise self-control, you need to find your motivation when it matters. This is ‘I want ‘ power.”
Kelly McGonigal
Fascinating. There are thus several forms of self-control.
At the beginning of the book, Kelly has us embark on a Willpower Challenge. That challenge helps us apply what we learn from the book, and I want you to do the same. Find your:
- I want challenge: What do you want to do more of, or stop procrastinating, because you know the
quality of your life will increase if you do?: __________________________________. - I want non-challenge: What do you want to stop (eg a habit) or do less of because
you know it’s bad for your health, happiness or success?: ________________________. - I want challenge: What is the most important long-term goal you want to focus your energy on?
And what immediate I want distracts you from it?: ___________________.
This task/reflection is crucial, as it is the basis for what this book review is about. So find out what you want, don’t want, and what you want, and choose at least one idea that you want to try out yourself once we’ve gone through the next two.
What is reward?
“Anything you moralize is open to the effects of moral licensing. If you tell yourself you’re ‘good’ when you exercise and ‘bad’ when you don’t, you’re more likely to skip tomorrow’s workout if you exercise today. Tell yourself you’re ‘good’ at working on an important project and ‘bad’ at procrastinating, and you’re more likely to wind down in the afternoon if you made progress in the morning. To put it simply: When we have conflicting desires, good behavior gives us permission to be a little bad…
We could have eaten the whole pizza, but we only ate three pieces. We could have bought a new wardrobe, but we settled for just a new jacket…
The worst thing about moral licensing is not only its dubious logic; the problem is how it tricks us into acting against our best interests. It convinces us that self-sabotaging behavior—whether it’s breaking the diet, blowing the budget, or sneaking in a smoke—is a ‘treat’. This is madness, but it is an incredibly powerful trick of the mind that turns your desires into things you should do.”
A reward is something we give ourselves to reinforce a certain behavior. You might say that eating chocolate is a nice reward if you’ve lost a couple of kilos in the last month (if your goal is to lose weight) – but isn’t there a better reward? One that does not oppose the goal you have in the first place?
Is it really a reward when it takes us a step back – isn’t it then a kind of punishment? (We’re almost getting philosophical with this stuff!)
Self-forgiveness (one of McGonigal’s best pieces of advice)
“Welcome to one of the world’s greatest willpower threats: the ‘what-the-hell’ effect. First pointed out by diet researchers Janet Polivy and C. Peter Herman, the what-the-hell effect describes a cycle of indulgence, regret, and more indulgence. These researchers noticed that many dieters would feel so bad about any lapse—a slice of pizza, a piece of cake—that they felt their entire diet was blown. Instead of minimizing the harm by not taking another bite, they’d say, ‘What the hell, I’ve already blown my diet. I might as well eat the whole thing’…
When you’re stuck in the cycle, it can seem like there’s no way out but to keep going. This leads to even greater failure of willpower and more misery when you then scold yourself (again) for giving in (again). But the thing you go to for comfort can’t stop the cycle, because it only generates more guilt.”
So what do we do when we find ourselves at the beginning of such a cycle, where we’ve let up a little on our willpower challenge, whether it’s eating too much, procrastinating studying for an exam, or avoiding friends after an argument? Are we shelling out inside our heads, maybe even outside?
The very best tool that I know of, and that Kelly suggests, is the following: Forgive yourself, figure out what you can do better next time, and try again!
Self-forgiveness not only helps you stop the endless cycle of giving in, but also helps you stop procrastination—a topic I cover in a book review written by Timothy Pychyl.
Kelly McGonigal
Kelly McGonigal is an award-winning psychology instructor at Stanford University who leads the courses “The Science of Willpower” and “Living Well with Stress,” which are among the most popular in the history of Stanford’s continuing studies.
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